Tuesday, March 03, 2009
Lab lunchroom fridges are sometimes plundered by hungry grad students, so it comes as no surprise to me when my food disappears. It doesn’t happen very often, but it is a real threat. Sure I’m miffed and filled with hate, but I’m never surprised. So it was not a big deal when I discovered that one of my two pitas from Pita Pit (leftovers which I took from a lunch seminar the previous day) had been absconded.
Obviously, I expressed my extreme displeasure to those sitting in the lunch room. A certain lab tech, who shall henceforth be known as Bitchie McBitcherson, spoke up and admitted she THREW ONE AWAY! Her excuse was that it was not covered in plastic and was dried out.
WHO THE FUCK CARES??? Firstly, it’s not as though the pita had been in there for a week; it had only been in there less than a day! Secondly, who made her queen of the fridge, arbitrarily throwing away other people’s foodstuff? Lastly, why did she only throw ONE away when there were THREE uncovered pitas in the fridge (two of mine, one of another grad student)? If she was looking out of the poor dried-out pitas, she should have thrown ALL of them away!
Good thing I had a stash of food in my locker so I didn’t go hungry, but I burned with rage the rest of the day.
Burned. *Narrows eyes in anger*
Thursday, September 04, 2008
Inspired by this post: http://joeposnanski.com/JoeBlog/2008/07/29/pixifoods-part-i/
Pixifood (PIKZ-ee-food), noun: Any food substance that is highly pleasant to the taste as a child and tastes shockingly unpleasant once you become an adult.
While I’m sure your palette changes when you grow up (I couldn’t stand tomatoes when I was a kid and now love them), I also think that companies have changed how they make foods. Everything is so processed and chemical laden now.
The other day, I bought two boxes of Peak Freans Assorted Creme Cookies because they were on sale. I loved these as a kid and for some reason, my mom hadn’t bought a box in many years. The Fruit Cremes were my favourite while my sister would have to wait until we’ve eaten all the layers to get to the chocolate ones on the bottom. Anyway, I bit into one and the biscuit didn’t have that rich, buttery biscuit taste and the fruit filling was basically just red sugary syrup. Where was the fruit??? I want my buttery biscuit!!! I don’t want this margarine or whatever substitute they use!!!
After rage, I felt sad; another product giving into the “health-conscious” consumer….
Do you also recall when McDonalds’ French fries were deep fried in beef tallow for that distinctive/delicious taste? Because of all the cholesterol and trans fat hoopla, they switched to vegetable oil and their fries’ true nature came out: it’s basically compressed potato dust.
It was so slow and subtle; I never even realized we let society decide what foods we can or cannot eat. If I want to eat fat-laden foods, it is my right. As is the right of whatever company that wants to help me commit culinary suicide. OK, so you don’t want to pay for my medical bills. I don’t want you to either. That’s why I eat fast foods in moderation. The key word: MODERATION. Fuck type II diabetes, atherosclerosis and other obesity-related diseases. These shouldn’t be covered by medi-care. People should pay for the treatments themselves. If you’re trying to eat yourself to death, I don’t want my taxes to go toward prolonging your sad life.
Honestly, this post didn’t start off as a rant; more as a lament to the demise of choice and fatty goodness. So if I offend anyone….*shrugs*
Saturday, April 12, 2008
I finally completed my triumvirate of fast food awesomeness/disgustingness. Within the last 2 weeks, I had a Whopper, a McRib and a Spicy Baconator. All combos, so that included a large drink and fries. Num num num!
And that’s all the fast food I’m going to have in a very long time since my blood has been moving sluggishly through my hardened arteries...
Wednesday, January 09, 2008
Everyone’s heard of shy bladder syndrome, or in medical terms: parauresis. It’s when people find it difficult or impossible to urinate in the presence of others. I’ve never had a problem with this – if I have to go, I have to go! I’ve peed (and pooped) in some weird places. I have no serious qualms with using public bathrooms. In fact, the best place I’ve ever used was in the middle of an alpine forest. It was a toilet just above a deep hole in the ground. All that existed for modesty was a waist-high wooden screen so random people don’t see your bare ass. The view was fantastic, and birds and insects blocked the sounds of your, um, processes. If you ever watched Scrubs, it’s almost akin to the “Epiphany Toilet” on top of the hospital…except I didn’t have an epiphany.
I like to think I’m pretty good in the “voiding” department, but apparently my technique was considered amateurish (honestly, splash-back is hard to avoid) so I received a book entitled “How to Shit in the Woods: An environmentally sound approach to a lost art” by Kathleen Meyer for Christmas. It’s pretty funny and has some good tips for camping in the wilderness – none that I already didn’t know or discover on my own.
Anyway, my preamble is getting too long and off topic so I’m just going to dive right into the story.
Yesterday, I went to pee at work. There are only two stalls in the bathroom, and one was occupied. The empty one was the handicap stall (which I like because of the extra space). The moment I walked into the bathroom, the lady in the stall ceased all motion. She must have been menstruating since I heard that plastic crinkling sound (or unwrapping something to eat, I’m not going to judge) and must have been embarrassed. I roll my eyes because: please, all women menstruate. There’s nothing to be ashamed of.
I go into the handicap stall, line the seat with toilet paper (because germs can’t pass through toilet paper, duh!), pull down my pants and sit down. The next stall is completely quiet. It’s like she stopped breathing too. I relax my muscles and wait for the sweet release.
Nothing.
Hmmm, that’s odd. I’m pretty sure my bladder was full when I entered the bathroom. Brain queries to bladder. Bladder replies. Yup, I do need to pee. OK, let’s try again.
Nothing.
The bathroom is eerily quiet now. I can hear her listening to me. I shift my weight. My breathing is ragged in confusion and I’m starting to get nervous. I look around the bathroom stall, trying to find something to distract myself.
Nothing.
Now I’m starting to get angry. Who is she to dictate my peeing? If she kept right on doing what she was originally doing, I wouldn’t have this problem. Routine noises in the bathroom don’t bother me. Fuck this.
I look under the stall and at her shoes to check if it’s someone I know so I can start bitching at her. What? You guys don’t start conversations in the bathroom? No, YOU’RE crazy.
Black pants, chunky brown shoes. Too generic. I don’t know who it is.
I cough.
The tension in the air is palpable. I’ve decided to purposely hold it in now. I’m going to wait it out. I refuse to be the one to cave. I have Kegel muscles of steel.
An eternity goes by.
*Crinkle*
Ah ha! Victory is mine!
I can hear her mental sigh of defeat. She puts on/in her pad/tampon. I grin like the Cheshire Cat and relax.
Finally. Relief.
She flushes the toilet, washes her hands and tip-toes out.
I wipe, flush the toilet, wash my hands, and walk out with a spring in my step and a smirk on my face. Unlike Napoleon, I was triumphant in MY battle of Waterloo.
*Victory cannons blast in the background*
Saturday, January 05, 2008
I know I made fun of Sharon and her “forcing” of us to write New Year’s Resolutions (“You can’t improve perfection! Pink taco! Seafood buffet!”), but I’m only near-perfect so I need just a little more to attain true awesomeness.
- Since I had a lot of fun (and a near-death experience) with my 2007 resolution, I’m going to resolve to do it again: do something I’ve never done before once a month. I might start with ordering a pink taco supreme at Taco Bell, film it and post on Youtube, but Mack and Inge (and others, hint hint) have to promise to cough up $25 each.
- Procrastinate less.
- Get abs. I’m getting kind of soft and pudgy in my stomach area so I’m going to start some sort of regimen that will get me the pre-pregnant Britney Spears abs. You know, from her “Slave for you” video. Defined enough that it makes you moist in your panties, but not that defined that it’s mannish and scary.
- Spend less time on Facebook. This, I guess, goes along with number 2.
- Read more books. I love reading! I don’t know why I stopped reading so much. Oh yeah, the internet and grad school….
- Spend more time with my dogs. Link is freaking fat now; he needs more exercise.
- Save more money. I need to stop making internet purchases, and when I’m seriously considering buying something, think to myself “Do I NEED or WANT this?”
Tuesday, January 01, 2008
It’s the start of 2008 and my goal of writing at least one post per month last year is sadly remiss. I can’t help it; Hairsniffer hasn’t been in the lab for the last couple of months and I’ve been too busy with life. Right now, I’m supposed to be filling out my vet school applications and/or finishing up my thesis. Instead, I’m procrastinating. Go me!
Here are my random musings:
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I’m happy that the GST will be 5% come this January 1, 2008. Multiples of 5 are so much easier on my brain, and tips will also be easy to calculate – just multiply tax by 3!
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Rogers/Fido are a bunch of jackasses for not supplying me with an unlock code for my new Blackberry Pearl. I had to pay someone to do it. I HATE how they have a monopoly on GSM phones in Canada.
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I am not a unique and special snowflake *sigh*.
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Why do we even need the penny anymore?
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Sunday, December 16, 2007
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
Remember the love I had for science near the beginning of my graduate studies? Well, apparently, it wasn't the type of everlasting love we dream about, but a brief fling. I finally worked up the courage to leave this abusive relationship and am going to defend my thesis in the spring.
Basically, my days now consist of waking up at noon and typing on my laptop in my underwear. It's quite the life.
What am I going to do after, you ask? Try and get into vet school. That's right. What I wanted to do originally. I hate taking the direct route to anything.
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
More than half of 2007 has gone by and I bet most of you have given up on your New Year Resolutions. In January, I posted my resolution which was to do something I’ve never done before at least once a month. Let’s see how I did.
January – met a random guy off the internet; learned belly-dance
February – travelled to Hamilton for a science conference; coached alpine skiing at the Special Olympics Provincial Winter Games; played on the Wii
March – skied at Fernie
April – joined lacrosse
May – sky-dived (and lived, but not without casualty); ate at Ruth’s Chris; may have gotten West Nile
June – first time camping with NO RAIN….except the temperature dipped to zero at night 
July – yeah, I got nothing new here except I camped/fished all in one weekend
August – went tubing; attended a drag race; played in a lacrosse tournament in Victoria; biked >300km on a weekend
September – planned and executed a backcountry camping trip
I know, kind of boring, but the fact is that I’ve never done any of the above prior to my doing it. Carpe diem and rape it hard. You’re only young and stupid once. Well actually, you’re stupid forever.
NOTE: Duh, of course September hasn’t arrived yet, but it’s my new thing that I’ve planned and will do. Oh, and I haven’t done the >300km bike either. It’s THIS weekend. If I die, delete my September entry and replace it with “funeral”.
Monday, August 13, 2007
Re: http://blogs.blogosphere.ca/chu/archive/2007/08/02/150282.aspx
If you find Edmonton so deplorable, why don't you just leave? Every city has its problems and Edmonton has no more, no less than others. As for Calgary being more "redneck" than Edmonton, how do you figure? I'm thinking a blue collar city like Edmonton would be more "redneck" than a white collar city like Calgary. But how do you define "redneck"? Calgary votes in more Conservatives than Edmonton? Or that the entire city rallies behind a cowboy theme during the Stampede? Those hardly qualify as “redneck”. If Calgarians drove around in pickup truck, shooting gophers, tipping cows and marrying their cousins…..yeah, I would consider them “redneck”. If you’re going to claim something, give a valid reason.
1) WEM. True, it’s no longer the biggest mall in the world. But it is a fucking big mall. It has a skating rink, water park, amusement park, underwater lagoon, and hundreds of stores under one roof. I don’t know of anyone basing a decision on moving to Edmonton because of WEM, but you can’t deny it is still a major tourist attraction.
2) Weather. Edmonton averages 12.32 hours of sunshine daily, making it one of the sunniest cities in Canada. In summer, there are up to 17 hours of daylight each day. Tell me, when was the last time Edmonton hit +40C? And even in these extreme temperature variations, at least we don’t have the humidity that would make it ten times worse. Think Edmonton is cold? Live in Winnipeg.
3) Cost of living. Who wants to live here? Edmonton has a metropolitan population of a million, the sixth largest city in Canada. So apparently, quite a lot of us.
What does the N. Saskatchewan River have to do with cost of living? Plenty. Edmonton’s river valley is the largest urban parkland in North America, 21 times bigger than NYC’s Central Park. As for the river being dirty, look up your facts. It’s brown because it is a shallow, silty river, not because it is polluted. Drink from it? Hell yeah, it comes out of our taps. Bottled water? Depending on the company, that’s just glorified (read: filtered) N. Saskatchewan River tap water. Glacier fresh taste? Duh, the river is fed from mountain glaciers.
West Nile is spreading east to west, following bird migration patterns. It was only matter of time before it reached Edmonton. No wait, it must be our dirty river water since mosquitoes breed in running water, not stagnant pools. Silly me.
4) Seasons. Edmonton is probably the few cities that can claim to have four delineated seasons. It’s cold in the winter, hot in the summer, with spring and fall in between. Get used to it and grow some balls.
Oh no! Deregulation of electricity. Fucking capitalism at work here. Damn invisible hand, always slapping us down. Move to China, comrade. Not that left-leaning? Go see the prices in California.
Yeah, Ralphbucks were ingenious. Only idiots would have directed the surplus towards more long term benefits such as tax cuts or in decreasing healthcare premiums.
5) Panhandlers. Have you been outside of Edmonton? Panhandlers are a problem in every major city. What? Tell them to get a job? OK, try finding one with no fixed address. Instead of complaining, why don’t you do something about it? Lobby the government for affordable housing or propose a bylaw like Winnipeg against “aggressive panhandling”. Don’t perpetuate the problem by giving them money which may be spent on drugs or alcohol. If they want a meal, buy one for them. If they want bus fare, give them a ticket.
6) Mayors. Yeah, like one person has the power to direct that much money. I thought the Edmonton council was made up of COUNSELLORS. Each with exactly one vote on civic matters.
7) Public transportation. The LRT extension has been talked about for a loooong time. Even before Stephen Mandel. I’m pretty sure it was on the table when Jan Reimer and Bill Smith were in office. When I was in elementary school, I was excited because I thought the Southgate extension would be finished by the time I reached university and that would be incredibly convenient for me. Now, I’m finishing up my PhD and the LRT has barely reached the University Hospital. It was only during Mandel’s term that the budget was approved for it. In your logic, you should be thanking him. Just like how we should all be thanking Klein for putting dinosaurs underground millions of years ago.
8) Service industry. Maybe if they paid their employees a decent wage, they wouldn’t all be leaving for the high-paying oil rig jobs. But paying them a higher wage would mean passing the costs onto us, the paying customer. Well, that’s just crazy. I’d rather pay the same price and bitch about the shitty service.
9) Building quality. This is the only point I agree with you on. But with rocketing labour costs, you have to cut corners somewhere and materials seem to be what contractors are willing to sacrifice.
Being born and raised in Edmonton doesn’t give you insight about the city. Have you lived anywhere else? How can you compare? Honestly, I don’t understand how someone can complain about something and not do anything about it. Don’t like it here? Move. It’s that simple. If you can’t take off your shit-covered glasses and see the good, maybe Edmonton would be better without you.